Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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