I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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