I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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