Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
