dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have aggressive nipples.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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