Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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