A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
