He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
