Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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