dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
