what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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