If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
