you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
