dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
