btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
