im six kinds of drunk right now
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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