Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
