Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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