I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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