i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
