I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
