zippers are such a cool invention
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
