nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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