guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
