yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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