Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
