i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
