he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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