the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't turn off my feet"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
