I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
