She is in my trunk
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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