YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
