You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
