when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
