he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
