Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
