her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
