so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My underwear smells like fireworks.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i love accidental penises.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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