Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
