we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
