it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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