Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
