Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
