please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
