I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
