A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
