doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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