i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
