My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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