On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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