I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
