Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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